Afterwards
by PinkElephant42
Summary: Digory Kirke never really moved on after he left Narnia. Oneshot.


**Afterwards**

---

England was never, _ever_ as enchanting or as much fun as Narnia, and Digory was never able to accept the fact that he _wouldn't_ be going back.

He'd spend each day day-dreaming about what it would be like to see Aslan again, to run through the whispering Narnian woods, to have long conversations with the talking animals. He regretted leaving at all, but Aslan had wanted him to, so he tried to make the best of it.

He went to school, grew up, and became a professor of literature. It was the closest he could come to Narnia, exploring the worlds and adventures that books had to offer. He was always looking for ones that held the sort of magic that Narnia did, but, unsurprisingly, never found one.

Then the Pevensie children appeared, so young and full of life.

---

Digory stood in front of the wardrobe, the last remaining piece of Narnia in his life. He ran his fingers delicately along the elaborate carvings. He was thinking once again of far away adventures and a world with magic in its core.

He was interrupted by Mrs. Macready. "Professor, the children are here."

"Thank you," Mrs. Macready.

Deciding he was too old now for such things anyway, he turned abruptly and walked out of the spare room.

---

He spent many days simply observing them. They encompassed all the fun and innocence of life that Digory had forgotten. It was frustrating in a way, because they seemed so much closer to Narnian values than he did, even though they'd never been there.

---

Digory presumed that he was just as excited as Lucy must be when Peter and Susan told him (more or less) that the young girl had found a way to Narnia. He questioned them as much as he could without raising suspicion, then sent them away, insisting that Lucy _wasn't_ crazy.

That night, he opened the old wardrobe for the first time in years. He separated the coats and reached all the way to the back, but found only wood there. Disappointed, he shut the doors and went back to his study.

He didn't know what he had been expecting. It wasn't as if Aslan needed an obsessed old man like him.

---

The four children disappeared for several days, and Mrs. Macready began to panic.

"They'll be back," Digory insisted.

Aslan didn't keep people away from where they belonged longer than necessary. He didn't tell her that, of course, as she wouldn't understand.

"Do you know anything about this, Professor?" she demanded worriedly.

"Perhaps," Digory said in an amused tone. Then he simply walked away, and immersed himself in his many, many books.

---

It was late, and Mrs. Macready was asleep. Digory was in front of the wardrobe again. His old limbs protested as he sat on the wooden floor, but he ignored the discomfort.

"What do you want with these children, Aslan? Are you creating more worlds? Are they fighting your battles? What has Narnia come to, anyway? It must be an amazing place. I can only imagine how much it's matured since I was there."

---

They returned, as if from nowhere, and very grown-up, in spirit, if not in body. Mrs. Macready tried to reprimand them, but Digory stopped her.

"Let children be _children_," he said secretively.

She _harrumphed_ and called him a loony old man, but he smiled at her bemusedly, and she gave up. She walked away, muttering to herself.

---

Peter told Digory about daring swordfights and noble acts. He acted like a king long after his adventure in Narnia was over.

Susan cried and asked repeatedly if they'd be able to go back.

"I _want_ to! The things I love are _there_, now!" she cried in desperate tones. "I was a _queen_, and I was doing so much good! What is there for me here?"

Digory patted her shoulder and told her he understood.

Edmund was evasive. He spoke vaguely about adventures and creatures as if it were some childhood fantasy, and hadn't been real. Most of the time, he didn't speak of Narnia at all, and Digory found that he didn't know how to deal with that, as he'd spent much of his life obsessing over the place.

Lucy was excited. She waved her arms and danced around, reenacting ceremonies, and battles. She imitated the creatures, in both animal and human voices, and wondered out loud how to do again the sort of things she'd been able to do in Narnia.

"I can't _wait_ to go back, I just know I will!" she said.

Digory hoped she was right, because the anguish of not being able to was too much for a young girl, even one as strong as Lucy.

---

The children left, but Digory kept in contact with Lucy. Through letters, they spun elaborate tales of Narnia, drawing on the world, its creatures, and its magic for inspiration. They each included their own experiences. Lucy had many more than Digory did, but each was described in perfect detail.

It was a long time before he told her of his regrets.

_I've spent my whole life trying to re-create the magic of Narnia in my own life. I look for it everywhere, and have only found it in you. _

_But it is always in us,_ Lucy wrote back. _Once you've met Aslan, he is always part of you._

Digory fretted over the letter. This was a new light on the situation. He'd always thought of Aslan as a creature so separate from everything else. He was the creator, and therefore above all things.

He sat in front of the wardrobe again. He closed his eyes and pictured the lion, and for the first time, he didn't feel nagging regret when he thought of Narnia. He left the room, locked it, and hid the key in a place he hoped he would forget.

_I saw Aslan again_, he wrote in his next letter; and Queen Lucy the Valiant seemed proud of him.

---

---

_Pink_


End file.
